By Christopher Cross - 2018 N.N.E.B Diploma in Nursery Nursing CHC50113 Diploma in Early Childhood Education and Care

Diploma of Leadership and Management 2024

SOEL Lead Educator

“Learning to use the toilet is a natural process that begins when your child’s desire to be grown up and his neurological development have reached the point where he can control his bladder and bowels. We don’t train children to use the toilet, we support them when they are ready.”

How to Raise an Amazing Child: The Montessori way to bring up caring confident children by Tim Seldin

Why have I written this guide?

Over the last twenty years of working with children and researching and implementing best practices, I have found that parents and caregivers often ask for advice about ‘training’ their children to go to the toilet. I feel the need to write this guide to help people understand ‘toilet learning’ as opposed to ‘toilet training’ asa best practice model.

Every child is an individual and learns and develops at their own pace. There is a lot to learn to manage toileting!

Accidents or digressions are common, especially when the child is tired, ill, or has undergone a change (for example, they have moved house, a pet has died, they moved class, Mum or Dad has had to go away or children are witnessing parents arguments). A lot of what we see as little things are huge for a child and impact their sense of security.

If there are any changes in your child’s life that may impact their behaviour, please tell us so we can help support the child.

Please use the proper names for body parts including penis and vagina. If English is your second language please tell us of the correct terms in your first language so that we can keep that continuity for your child and reduce confusion.

After moving to Australia and learning the different ways things are done and speaking with a range of people including Indigenous Australians, I wanted to share some of this knowledge. When I spoke to a lady from the Larrakia Nation of the Northern Territory she explained the Aboriginal approach to children’s learning and toilet learning, which made so much sense in relation to current thinking and good practices:

“It's a child thing, it will come when it comes, we don’t put pressure on the child. They will learn by watching their brother, sister or family using the toilet and will want to imitate them. When the child’s ready it will happen, and not sooner.”

The basis for the current Early Years Learning Framework, which we plan from and reflect on in our work in Early Childhood Education and Care, is to let children be children and learn at their own pace, the learning will come with experience, maturation and support. Take the pressure away and let the child learn in a safe and encouraging environment that supports their independence, self-esteem and sense of agency.

I hope the following information is of help to parents and educators alike.

Christopher Cross

What is Toilet Learning?

Toilet learning is a four-stage process that shows and encourages children to learn to use the toilet in a fun, everyday way, and most importantly, the learning is done at the child’s pace. It builds the children’s knowledge and develops the skills needed to use the toilet and become independent in the process.

What are the different stages?

STAGE ONE - Toilet Play

STAGE TWO - Toilet Practice

STAGE THREE - Toilet Learning

STAGE FOUR - Independent Toileting

Stage 1 - Toilet Play

What is toilet play?

It’s just that. Allow your child to climb on and sit on the toilet with their clothes on or off. Let your child follow you to the toilet and let them see you use it, this is to allow the child to become accustomed to how to use the toilet and sitting on the toilet.

Bring toilet play to the children’s level by using teddies or dolls and;

• pretending to change their nappies

• wiping and cleaning their bottoms

• washing everyone’s hands

• putting the teddy or doll on a play potty or on a pretend toilet

• Introduce stories about toileting like “Zoo Poo” by Richard Morgan.

  

  

Why do we do this?

This is to allow the child to find out what the toilet is for, and how it is used.

Children need to realise that the toilet will not eat them up if they fall in, it will not wash them away, and that the noise it makes is nothing to be afraid of.

Show the child how to use the toilet and enable your child to imitate you. As you know children like to imitate adults and this is a valuable learning tool.

Stage 2 - Toilet Practice

This stage is all about skilling, skilling and more skilling:

• using the flush just to see what it does
• letting them flush the toilet after you
• letting them get up and down from the toilet
• standing at or sitting on the toilet
• turning the cold water on to wash their hands
• drying their hands
• pulling their clothes up and down, or off and on
• allowing them to dress themselves

If clothing is on backwards or inside out it does not matter; encourage them for the effort they have made. This is about empowering the child to become independent.

Try not to correct them, but celebrate with them. Remember it’s them learning how to dress themselves.

“You put your pants on yourself, well done!”

(That is why sometimes when you pick up your child from their Early Education and Care service their clothes are inside out or back to front or their shoes are on the wrong feet. It’s that we allow the child to take pride in the fact they can dress themselves).

Tell the child that you need to go to the toilet to urinate or defecate (do a wee/poo) when you need one, so they become aware of what the toilet is used for and if Mum/Dad/Brother/Sister goes… then maybe I should try.

Stage 3 - Toilet Learning

This stage is the most stressful and frustrating for the grown-up as children will often have accidents as they are learning to judge and feel when and if they need the toilet. If your child keeps having accidents you may need to put the nappy or pull-up back on, wait a few weeks and try again. This can make all the difference.

Remember that children tend to master control of the bladder sooner than they can control the bowels. They may not know how, or be able, to hold off defecating themselves before they manage to get to the toilet.

Your child may be ready to use the toilet when they:

• Are able to inform you that they have a wet or soiled nappy

• Have a dry and clean nappy for a prolonged period of time

• Can pull their clothes up and down by themselves

• Want to wear underpants, jocks or knickers

• Can tell you that they need to urinate or defecate

  Stage 4 - Independent Toileting

Now that they have cracked Stage 3 let them go by themselves.

BUT if a child becomes wet or soiled, stay calm and be reassuring. Do not make them feel ashamed. You might say, “I see you are wet. Let’s go get some dry clothes.” Your child can get them from the supply in the bathroom and even help wipe the floor and wash their hands.

Let them change at their own pace and give help if they ask for it or if they are overwhelmed. If they have wet clothes but they are playing with a toy, you can wipe up around them and wait until they are finished before suggesting you get some dry clothes.

A Montessori approach to toilet training - The Montessori Notebook

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• Potty or toilet which one to use? I would recommend going straight to the toilet. Otherwise you will have to carry the potty around with you and later teach them to use the toilet.
• Children will have accidents. When a young child starts to toilet train and even after, they have this ability to overshoot the toilet and get urine everywhere. So remember to pack lots of tops (that don’t hang down), socks, underpants and elasticated pants, skirts, and shorts (these are easy for children to pull down). Undoing buttons, belts or ties are skills the child will learn but may be too much for a young child needing to go to the toilet as well. Let them wear shoes like Crocs or thongs that can be wiped clean and dry
• I wouldn’t recommend dresses for children who are learning to use the toilet, because the child will be holding on to the toilet with both hands and unable to hold the dress up. Or if they hold the front of the dress, the back is tucked into the toilet. It takes great skill to go to the toilet in a dress! Also, do not dress them in grow suits or overalls as they are hard to undo and take off, and will dramatically increase the chance of an accident
• When they say they need to go, they usually need to go there and then. They are just becoming aware of the feeling, and need to go as the bladder is most likely full to bursting point
• Avoid taking the child to the toilet every 20 minutes. This is not practical, does not let the child develop the awareness of a full bladder and can cause problems later on. Forcing the child to go to the toilet, or sitting them on it for more than 5 minutes could make sitting on the toilet seem a punishment.

Paediatrician, Chris Pearson, chairman of the Child Development and Behaviour Group with the Royal Australasian College of Physicians, says in relation to toileting:

• Every time they go to the toilet, encourage them to wash their hands even if they did not go. This will then become second nature and reduce the likelihood of illness from cross-contamination.
• Pull-ups or underpants or both? I recommend “pull-ups” to begin with so that when the child wants to start toilet learning they can pull them up and down by themselves with some ease. When they have got the hang of this put some underpants on. This will allow the child to feel when they have wet themselves, (modern nappies and “pull-ups” very quickly draw the moisture away from the child keeping them dry)
• Please refrain from offering your child bribes with food or other treats as they will expect rewards every time. Using food as a reward can also lead to issues with food in the future
• Encourage the child for their efforts not just if they are successful in getting to the toilet in time. Refrain from punishing your child for having an accident, they do happen even to adults. Encourage the effort, and be supportive by reminding them, for instance, that they tried because they told you but couldn’t get there in time, or their pants got stuck. If they keep having accidents stop and wait a few weeks, then try again
• Don’t force them to go, I know I have said it once already but please don’t. Paediatrician, Chris Pearson, Chairman of the Child Development and Behaviour Group with the Royal Australasian College of Physicians, says
• Keep calm and breathe. Remember this when they have an accident after getting off the toilet! Say “it’s okay, accidents happen, maybe next time”
• Keep in mind that the process of defecation is an involuntary process and children under 3 years of age can struggle with recognising what they are doing. That means that the children can’t or struggle to control their bowels. Let the child take control of the process as much as possible.
• Teach children to wipe front to back to reduce the likelihood of cross-infection by introducing germs from faeces to the penis or vaginal areas.
• Don’t leave the child alone on the toilet and when they want to get off, let them even if they don’t do anything. Give them encouragement for next time.

Finally, in Early Childhood Education and Care settings, we are constantly learning and researching to improve the quality of our service to families and implement best practices for the child. We are trained to do this job and this training is constantly being updated to make sure that we are up to date with best practice.

We are here to help and support you on your journey to supporting your child’s learning of the knowledge and skills needed for going to the toilet.